Why We Shouldn't Be in the Naruverse
by Lady Shadow 77
Summary: Hijinks ensue when the authors of Revenge the Plot Bunnies are given prompts to follow; it's recommended that you read Revenge of the Plot Bunnies first but it's not neccessary. Always accepting requests with limits. T-rating or lower please
1. New Friendship Under A Full Moon

**This is a gift fic for the lovely and amazing Ayuzaki with Kitty because today, July 31st, is her birthday. So . . . **_**HAPPY BIRTHDAY! **_

**If I could I would've gotten Itachi for you but I hope this surpasses your expectations! And it is kinda long for me, and some of the characters you met here will show up in the story soon . . . if they haven't already. Before I forget, Kurai may seem to be ooc in this but she actually isn't, this is a different side that I want to explore further. **

**And I love my comrades in crime (aka my fellow authors) they help when I'm facing partial CDD and have no idea how to write as Gaara. They also deal with me being in my insane moods of annoying them and my threats of poking them with chopsticks. (Don't ya just love my random tangents?) Oh and because our order doesn't really matter, it's in whoever wrote theirs first. So as usual, I'm first! (Is that a good thing or a bad thing?) Oh and if anyone else wants to give us prompts for their birthday, just PM them or leave them in a review. With your birthday date; a prompt for each character and any other details you want us to include.**

**Disclaimer: None of us own Naruto or any of the characters. It rightfully belongs to Kishimoto-sama. (I'm doing it for everyone else so look back here before you sue)**

**~Kurai**

_**New Friendship Under a Full Moon**_

Well, making friends with a rehabilitated psychopath, (some say sociopath, whatever) who has repeatedly tried to kill me was not what I was expecting to happen. Come on, me and Gaara . . . **friends**? I'm more likely to become BFFs with Kankuro, than with him. But enough blathering, you want to know what happened. I lay the blame with Kichiona, Zurui and the ass Kizoku. Just because they're my adoptive family now does not mean that I love everything that they do. Quite the opposite, frankly.

It first started with the heels. They weren't my usual black high-heeled wedges but they were the evil, silver, sparkly, four inch high, stilettos that Kizoku first tried to get me to wear. Kami! I thought they gave up after I nearly killed both Kizoku and Zurui with them. Tsk Tsk, the boys must be suckers for punishment. Kami! Don't want to go that far, and I'm getting off topic . . . again.

Not only was I forced to wear those evil heels of doom but I was suffocating in a blood red satin dress. Someone decided to stuff me into a corset and have the dress taken in. He said that it would be good practice for me to learn how to fight in it. He stopped mid-lecture as I attempted to go at him, but Zurui decided to interfere and trip me! The nerve, it's not like I was perfectly balanced in the first place anyway!  
Because of the evil heels of doom and the dress of destruction and not seduction as Kizoku claimed, I basically sat or stood at the party Kizoku held in honor of our new alliance with Konoha. I personally thought it was stupid and a waste of funds that could have been used to better Suna. Others thought differently, saying that it would be a perfect way to get their minds off their troubles. Sorry, but we're hardened shinobi, we don't run away from our problems. Well the major ones anyway.

I got sick and tired of the leers and the ceaseless flirting that I decided to drag Zurui outside. He and I were almost always stuck together because Kizoku and Kichiona were social butterflies and we were the wallflowers of the group.

"Well I win the bet with Kizoku." He stated as we passed the threshold from the packed group of dancers to the outside balcony.

"What bet this time? Who do I need to hurt?"

"How long it took for you to snap and come hide outside." Kizoku added as he glided over with Kichiona on his arm.

She chuckled, "And it was my suggestion this time."

I scowled, "Are you three done with tormenting me? I understand when it's training or on an actual mission but in my free time, I like doing what I please! And this isn't it, I'd rather be reading, training or hell even sleeping! My feet are killing me and I feel like I'm constantly out of breath and don't you three know that corsets can kill people!"

"Aww, come on Kurai. It isn't that bad and let's enjoy the party! After all this will be our last chance of fun before all of the boring missions we'll have to undertake!" Kizoku exclaimed in his usual boisterous partying mood. He started to wrap his arm around my shoulder but because I was already precariously balancing on the railing, his added weight pushed me off the edge and I landed on who else but Gaara. And let's just say that it was a good thing that no one was nearby; it was a bit of an compromising situation. Poor kid; his first kiss was an accidental one with me.

"Should we be worried?" Kichiona asked, worried over my silence and that there was no muffled cursing or a thump.

Zurui shrugged, "Nah. She can handle almost everything, and cats always land on their feet."

Geez, thanks guys. No looking over to make sure I was okay, huh? And what is with the cat jokes? Yes I summon them, and prefer them to people most days but I'm not like Kitty Boy!

"You alright?" Gaara asked.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Sitting on the rail when my body is so off balance in my heels and dress was not one of my better ideas."

"I can see that. Could you get off me?"

"Sure, just give me a few minutes."

Close to ten minutes passed before I managed to heave myself off of Gaara.

"Goddamn dress! I swear when I come home I will fucking burn it - and the heels! No matter how much Kizoku tries to talk me out of it! Are you okay?" He was still lying in a heap. "Here let me help you up."

I held out my right hand. Indecision ruled his face for a few minutes but he grabbed my hand and whispered, "Thank you."

I smiled, "No problem." But because of my ridiculous get up, instead of pulling him up, my heels broke and I fell backwards, effectively ruining my dress. Did I mention that the seams popped out too?

Gaara smiled as I burst out laughing. This situation was too hilarious for words! I could believe this if it was acted on a stage but in real life?

After I finished nearly killing myself by laughing, and mentally cursing Kizoku, I joked, "Thanks, I now have a valid reason to utterly destroy these horrid things and to bitch those three out about."

"Weren't you planning on doing that anyway?"

I ruffled my hair but then grinned, "Yeah but this means I will win the argument with no bloodshed. Which is always preferable."

"For someone known for her cold blood isn't that an oxymoron?"

"Well, I don't like shedding blood outside of missions. We live in a hard world but it and ourselves aren't always in black in white but rather in shades of grey. Konoha has decided to stay closest to white while we in Suna prefer to be submerged fully in grey. We aren't restricted by one color or the other and because of that we have freedom in our actions."

A few moments of uneasy silence followed that and I was shocked. I had no clue that I could be that philosophical! Especially in a situation like this!

Eventually I had to break the silence with, "I'm really sorry but I need to change. This corset is rather uncomfortable, and revealing." _And I've had enough of those sleazy perverts for the rest of my life!_

"Why did you even put that thing on in the first place?"

I shrugged, "Peer pressure. When those three team up on me, there is no escape and I've tried multiple times. Not even threatening to kill them works."

"I thought you didn't like bloodshed outside of missions."

"Threatening to do something and actually following up on it are totally different matters."

"I can see them being slightly different but they are related."

"Shades of grey, you see, threatening someone depending on how you say it is a light to medium grey. While actually killing someone depending on the circumstances is a light medium grey to black. If you compare the two extremes there is a great difference."

"True." Five minutes of silence passed, this time with Gaara intently staring at me. And before people start freaking out, he was not checking me out! His gaze never left my face.

"Yes?"

"For someone who has fit in so well, you are very different from them. How do you do it?"

"Well, I act very well and I generally don't tell others all of my thoughts. After all, if they expect a confident but violent kunoichi I'm not going to disappoint them."

". . .You sound like my sister."

"Thanks for the compliment, and you know she and Kitty Boy aren't that horrible. I've seen you three, you do love each other."

". . . They. . .do? I haven't noticed anything to indicate that. . . And I have never loved my siblings."

"Well, Kitty Boy is rather annoying and rather play with his puppets."

"As much as he loves those inanimate objects, he's not that obsessed. . ."

"He talks to them like friends and granted Temari is a bit violent even for a Suna kunoichi. I may be more cold blooded but she wins the violence award."

"She's only vicious to protect what she wants to. . ."

"See! I told you that you loved them! If you didn't you wouldn't be defending them, in fact you'd be either doing the opposite or ignoring my attacks."

I shocked Gaara into fifteen minutes of silence but then he replied, "It's my job as their brother to defend them regardless of what he thinks of them."

"Fine, we'll just have to agree to disagree again."

"It's been an hour or two. Won't someone be worried?"

"Nope, they probably think I used it as an excuse to not come back to the party."

"I suppose you are correct. . . of course, since my siblings do not appear to be worried, my side is proved to be the correct one."

"Well, considering on how you're an insomniac and wander around everywhere in Suna at night, they wouldn't be. No offense but because you're a jinchuuriki you are crazy powerful, so they really don't have a reason to worry about you but they still do."

"I'll believe that when I see it with my own eyes."

"Fine, I bet that by the end of the night tonight they'll come looking for the BOTH of us."

"I can see them looking for you,but since they do NOT care for me I'll take you up on that bet."

"Deal. If _I_ win, you stop being so anti social and hang out with your family and friends."

"Fine. But when _I _win, you," he looked at me, and for a second it was like making contact with Old Gaara. "You'll have to help me work on training. I want to learn how to control my sand so I don't hurt anyone, and you will help me."

"Alright, I will regardless."

"I look forward to your help with my training."

"So if I'm your training partner we should know more about each other."

"How so?"

"Well, we'll be spending a lot of time together and it's easier to work with someone if you know some basic things about your partner."

". . . Is this an attempt to become my friend?"

"Well, it depends how you see things. The question is do you want to be my friend? I'll still train with you, so answer it truthfully."

". . . I don't really know yet."

"Alright. So what do you like to do as an hobby?"

". . . . I used to kill people, but I don't think that was a hobby. However, I do occasionally tend to . . . cacti."

"I would probably kill it, I have a black thumb straight to my shoulders."

"Well, they actually don't need a lot of care, you just need to plant them near a water source, and make sure they do not get sick with disease."

"I'll stick to my rock garden, thank you very much."

"A rock garden? Sounds. . . . interesting."

"Yeah, it's a nice way to relax and it's near impossible to kill it."

"Hm. . . . it can't die? What if you attack it?"

"Technically it would be destroying and I said near impossible. Also why would I want to attack it, when I can use Kitty Boy as a punching bag?"

". . . It's actually not as fun as you'd think. He tends to whine after you hit him in the face; it messes up his make-up."

"But then you can make fun of him for it, so it's a win-win situation for me."

"Hm. . . . That's pretty well thought out."

"Well, when it comes to tormenting people I tend to thinks things out. Kitty Boy is a lot of fun, but Kizoku is a close second."

"Hm. . . . he's like Sasuke, only he embraces comradery."

I shrugged, "I suppose so."

Before we could continue, Temari, Kankuro, Kizoku, Zurui, and Kichiona rushed up to where we were sitting from opposite directions.

"Kurai!"

"Gaara!"

"So now you guys decide to be worried? Not when I fall of the damned rail and fucking fall on Gaara . . . again!" I was not impressed but Gaara was shocked by his siblings looking for him.

"And you three did nothing?" Temari yelled. "Kurai and Gaara could've been seriously hurt!"

Kankuro was too busy looking elsewhere to comment more than, "And we don't want that to happen."

". . .You. . . came. . . for. . . me. . ."

"Of course, we're your older siblings. It's our job."

". .. . I. . . . Thank you."

"I do believe I win and I TOLD YA SO!" Everyone but Gaara and I were shocked. _What? Is it really that surprising? Us two as friends?_

". . . . Very well. You win. I will. . . attempt to be more. . .social. As we agreed."

"Good boy."

Kankuro finally gained enough dignity to look me in the face and ask, "What?"

I smirked and said, "I just won a bet with Gaara, who I have been quite contently been talking to for the last few hours while you five were partying. Do you have a problem with that?" At that I finally remembered to take off my heels and then started the walk home under the elegant full moon.

"Hey Kurai!"

"What is it now, Kitty Boy?" I swiveled to look at him.

"Nice corset!" He sarcastically replied.

You'd be proud of me I did not kill, threaten or swear at Kankuro. After all if I'm training with Gaara to help him gain more control, I might as well try my best to be a good role model. And I really didn't need to say anything, Gaara handled it for me. He whispered it softly but with the soft breeze I could just barely catch what he said.

"Instead of venting your attraction to her by being rude, perhaps you could try to be a proper gentleman, big brother."

I mentally scoffed at his statement, _Kankuro attracted to me? Whatever. At least I have someone who can understand some of what I'm really going through. It'll be nice to not have to lie and act all the time. And yeah totally not mentioning the whole accidentally kissing Gaara thing; I don't want to deal with the matchmaking schemes._


	2. If You Thought Pain Could Stop Me Wrong

**Yodle readers/reviewers/others! As stated by the previous author, we are writing these little thingies for one of our favorite and regular reviewer/reader/other. . . . Ayuzaki With Kitty! (took me forever to remember that name by the way)**

**Why are we favoring her out of all of our many (yeah right) readers/reviewers/ others you ask? Well it's obvious, duh.**

**. . . . . . . .**

**Oh, you guys want to know. Okay then.**

**IT'S HER BIRTHDAY TODAY! July 31! So. . . . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY! **

**I'd buy you a present but unfortunately, Ko has hidden his wallet in a place I can't find (for now), so I guess this'll have to do.**

**Hope you enjoy my cyber-friend! (Unless you've sold yourself to Itachi and are Akatsuki now; then we'd have to fight)**

**And as earlier stated, this is in order of who wrote what first (though Kurai over there got a head start, since she wrote most of this before everyone else was told. . .)**

**~Purein**

**Kurai: Uh no I told you guys about it, it's not my fault if you don't check your email everyday, and I'm the one who asked and got the prompts. *shrugs* It's not my fault if I get inspired and have to get it out of my head and you finished before I did, even though I started first. **

**If You Thought Physical Pain Could Stop Me. . . Wrong.**

"You know, I could say that this was a good day," I spoke as I looked over to my other two teammates. "But I'd be lying."

"No kidding," Naruto gulped before shrieking. "How the hell did this happen?"

"N-Naruto-kun, calm down," Hinata spoke (I quietly praised the fact she only stuttered once). "We n-need to think carefully a-about how to get out of this."

"Good point," I said as I looked down. "We can't panic."

"We are on the edge of a rocky ravine being held up by your feet alone!" Naruto retorted. "Why can't we panic?"

"Hey, you're the one you went and jumped right on ahead to catch that pet bird. And of course Hinata tried to catch you and well. . . If it wasn't for me, you and Hinata's insides would be tastefully decorating jagged rocks."

". . . Bitch."

"At least I'm not oblivious," I frowned. "Okay, so we need to go up back to the top of the ravine. I can't very well move, since I'm the only one touching it, but I think you guys can climb back up. Naruto, use me and Hinata as a rope to get to the top, then Hinata, and then I can get back up and we can see where the bird flew off too."

"I could of thought of that."

"Then why didn't you Naruto? Why didn't you?"

". . .Bitch."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment!"

"Well I decided to perceive it as such."

"How the hell could you perceive it as a compliment?"

"A bitch is a female dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are part of nature. Nature is beautiful. If you think of it as a very long math problem; bitch equals bark equals trees equals nature equals beautiful. And since I am a bitch apparently, I am beautiful. So thank you."

". . . Nane?"

"Just climb like up like a monkey."

Grumbling something under his breath that was along the lines of weird-talking female dogs, the orange boy began climbing up me and Hinata like the human chain we must've resembled; I admit I was pleasantly surprised at his decency as he climbed up two pretty teenage girls - which was a good thing, as I wouldn't have been able to catch Hinata if she had gone unconscious.

Once he was back on land, he leaned down and held out his hand.

"Come on now, Hinata, it's your turn."

"H-hai."

In a few moments, Hinata had joined him (though there was a scary moment when he grabbed her wrist, but she managed to not pass out), and Naruto grabbed my ankle that was wrapped around the conveniently placed branch in the rock-dirt wall.

"Purein, Hinata and I will pull you up!"

And then things went very bad, very quickly. I don't know if his hands were sweaty, or if it was something on my part, but I definitely could tell that his grip was not secure.

"P-Purein!"

As the sharp jagged rocks I previously saved the other two from started to get a lot larger, I admit I panicked. Which, giving on how I can't use chakra when I'm panicking, was a bad idea. However, my brain was not listening to logic, and sounded along the lines of this-

_OHCRAPI'''MFALLINGDAMMITI'MGOINGTODIEDIEDIEDIEDIE- LEDGE!_

Lunging out with my arms, I felt the force of my fall stopping by my arms slamming against the outcropping along. I braced my feet against the wall and pushed myself up, now noticing the numbing pain in my arms, shoulders, and back. Swell.

". . . . . purein. . . . . ." I looked up to see two specks(one considerably more brighter due to the pure orange) looking down at me. ". . . are you alright?"

"Wow," I said. "They're veeeeery tiny." I blinked away the small spots dotting my vision and stood up, letting my arms hang limp. "Damn, that hurts."

I looked around, trying to find a way to get back up. The walls were rocky, but it's not like I could climb at the moment. And there didn't seem to be any paths built into the wall either, and I couldn't get down to a flatter, safer area; there didn't seem to be anything like that around at all.

"Okay, this is bad."

". . . . are you okay. . . ." I looked up at the specks. ". . . Hinata says your arms look funny. . . . and you're bleeding from your shoulders. . ."

"I am?" I turned my head to see blood dripping down. "Oh, I am. I sure am lucky that my neck didn't snap. . . for some strange reason. . . ." I frowned. "Okay, lets see. . ."

". . . . Purein. . . . I'm coming down to get you. . ."

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" I shouted. "YOU STAY UP THERE BOTH OF YOU! DON'T YOU DARE THINK ABOUT RISKING YOUR HEALTH! I KNOW A WAY UP; GET GOING AND FIND THE BIRD, AND THEN COME BACK HERE! I'LL BE UP BY THEN!"

". . . You sure? . . ."

"I'M SURE! NOW LISTEN AND GET GOING; IT HURTS TO YELL LIKE THIS!"

". . . Alright. . ." After a moment of hesitation, the orange speck left, dragging along an even more hesitant speck along with it. Once they were gone, I looked around again before letting out a sigh.

"Okay, let's find a way to get back up before they return."

After a few minutes of fruitless searching, I let out a screech and kicked the canyon wall.

"Dang it! Stupid wall and mission and bird and Naruto and me and Sasuke and Geezer-sama and Hiashi; I KNOW YOU'RE INVOLVED SOMEHOW YOU BAS-"

I stopped myself, shaking my head.

"Okay Purein, imagine Ko just slapped you for being stupid and think clearly. You can't use chakra because you're not calm, and because of the injury. So. . . . I'm a non-ninja that can't use chakra, and my tools and sword are at the top of the canyon because I was cleaning them when Naruto decided to be stupid." I sighed. "Damn."

I frowned. _Let's see, no chakra, no arms, no tools, no Furendoshippu, no help . . . what do I have on my side? Other than Ko's wallet I took this morning. . ._

I snapped up. _Ko's wallet._

I turned my head to the pocket on my posterior, where the black object lay. "Um. . . okay then, let's see. . ."

Bending my knee against the wall, I scrapped the pocket against a jagged part of the wall.

"Come on. . . come one. . ." After several minutes, I grinned as the fabric of the wallet caught on the jagged surface and lifted out of my pocket. "Yosh!"

Turning around and using my teeth, I opened Ko's wallet and watched the contents hit the ground, my eyes searching for one thing in particular.

"Alright," I said as I leaned down, picking up the small mirror with my teeth. After placing it in the sun, I used my foot to move it, the light flashing faintly on the wall in a pattern of quick flashes. "Let's see if there's a Shinobi nearby that knows Morse nearby."

I continued doing this for I don't know how long, doing my best to ignore the doubt in my stomach. _What if they didn't see it? What if they didn't know Morse? What if Naruto made Hinata pass out and he forgot I was here and I die and everyone wonders for the rest of eternity where I went and-_

I let Ko's non-existent slap hit me across the face.

"Okay, if hallucinating keeps me alive I guess I'll have to grin and bear it. . ."

". . . .Who. . . . Purein? . ."

I looked up, seeing another blur up at the top.

"OI! I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT CAN YOU HELP ME? I SENT NARUTO AND HINATA AWAY BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO GET HURT BUT I NOW CAN'T GET BACK UP AND NEED HELP!" I watched a rope start to slide down. "NO THAT WON'T WORK; MY ARMS ARE BROKEN!"

I watched the rope go up. ". . . How did that happen?. . . ."

"I FELL DOWN A CANYON; YOU THINK I'D BE UNHARMED?"

". . . . I'm coming down, yosh . . . . . ."

As the blur quickly got bigger and became not a blur, I felt my jaw drop.

". . . . Lee. . . not wearing. . . what happened. . ."

"If you're referring to the fact that I'm not wearing a jumpsuit, it's because one's in the wash, another needs mending, and I think TenTen and Neji burned my other ones," he explained, now sniffling back tears. "I feel so incomplete!"

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen you _not_ wearing one," I mused. "So, you mind helping me?"

"No problem Purein-sa-"

"Please; I'm not in the mood for suffixes."

"Sorry. Um. . . should we brace your arms first, or something?"

"Uh. . . . I have no idea."

"I mean, I don't want you to get paralyzed or something. . . . ."

"That _would_ hinder my quest to become a ninja. . ."

". . ."

". . ."

We looked at each other, and I sighed.

"Maybe you can go find a Med-nin?"

"But I don't want to leave you alone! To spend such a youthfully dangerous time all by yourself, that isn't youthful at all!"

"Well, if you won't leave. . ." We looked at each other again, and I sighed, again. "Well, there's only one thing we can do."

**THREE HOURS LATER. . . .**

"I spy, with my little eye, something. . . . not green."

"Me?"

"Hai. Your turn."

"I spy, with my little eye, something. . . white."

"Those clouds."

"Yosh. . ."

". . . You know, it shouldn't take this long to retrieve a bird." ("Damn it! Stop flying away you stupid bird!" "Naruto-kun, d-don't get it a-angry or it'll attack a-again!")

"I'm sure they're doing they're best."

"Yeah. . ."

". . . So, how's your training coming?"

"Good, though I still have problems with keeping calm in certain situations, which leads to predicaments like this."

"I see. . . my training is also going well, but I still can't beat Neji."

"Yeah, well, he has the whole I-get-it-immediately-thing, not to mention he's been surrounded by ninja and fighting for his whole life. It's not your fault he got a head start."

"That's a good point. . . THEN I SHALL WORK EVEN HARDER AND OVERTAKE HIM ON THE PATH OF OUR YOUTH!"

"Good plan! I approve!"

"YOSH!"

"Yosh!"

"YOSH!"

"What are you two doing?"

Screaming like a little girl (Lee, not me), we both quickly got to our feet. Well, Lee got to his feet quickly. I kinda hobbled up.

". . . Kakashi-sensei?" I grinned. "Kakashi! If my arms weren't numb with pain I'd glomp you right now!"

"Hello my sensei's rival!"

". . . Do I want to know why you two are here? And why Purein's arms seem to be broken?"

"Uh. . . funny story. . . ."

"You know; I don't want to know. Let's just brace your arms here and get you two out of here."

"Ha! Good thing we didn't move you Purein-san."

"Yeah."

After my arms were braced so that I looked like a human cross, Kakashi grabbed me by the waist and looked to Lee.

"You can get up by yourself right?"

"Hai."

A very short few minutes later, I looked at a pouch and the sword lying next to it on the grass.

"I knew I should've waited to clean Furendoshippu until after the mission."

"TenTen usually hits me when I need to clean my tools," Lee offered. Kakashi looked at the two of us with a sigh.

"You two probably need help to even make your own beds,don't you?"

"Hm," I scratched my chin. "How do they do that anyway?"

". . . I can't respond to that."

"I can teach you Purein-san."

"Why thank you Lee!"

"OI! KAKA-SENSEI! BUSHY-BROWS! PUREIN! OI!" Naruto skidded to a stop in front of us, Hinata quickly following behind with a cage. In the cage was a familiar and exotic looking bird.

"You," I hissed as I glared at it. "I blame you for everything."

"So, Naruto, any reason you left a wounded comrade behind?" Naruto squirmed under Kakashi's glare.

"Well. . . uh. . . you see. . ."

"It was my choice," I said. "I told them to finish the mission and they did."

"That's not a good excuse."

"Well, I may have told them I knew how to get back up. . ."

"You d-didn't?" Hinata frowned. "Purein. . ."

"I didn't want you guys to get hurt!"

"Then why did you let Bushy Brows help?" I smiled sheepishly at Naruto.

"Well, I guess I realized I kinda really needed help by then. . ." Kakashi sighed before turning to Hinata.

"Hinata, you live with her don't you?"

"H-hai, Kaka-sensei."

"And you hang out quite a bit too right?"

"Hai. . ."

"Respect."

". . . Arigato?"

"Well, we got the dumb bird," Naruto held up a fist. "Let's just get back and get Purein to the hospital."

". . . No," I shook my head. "I refuse. No. Nope. Nada. Not allowed. Nope. No."

"Why not?"

"Hospitals are evil."

"They are not evil!"

"Are too! They are full of evil instruments with evil people for their evil bidding as they invade your body!"

"They're trying to save your life!"

"EVIL!"

"That's just stupid!"

"I'd rather be stupid than oblivious!"

"I don't even know what you mean by that!"

"Exactly!"

"I'm going to slaughter you!"

"Try me!"

Infuriated, Naruto lunged at me, and I swung clumsily to the right. Snarling, he swung out with his arm, and I ducked,using my foot to slam into his stomach. Yelling, he staggered back, spinning around and trying in vain to slow down. He couldn't.

After the dust settled, I did my best not to laugh in hysterics. Lee's face was "sparkling with glee at the bountiful youth", and even Kakashi was amused.

Naruto arms were on the ground on either side of Hinata, and even he could tell that he was in a bit of an awkward position. Hinata of course, knew this all too well. Her face, at this point, was slowly turning to a shade of the tomatoes that Sasuke had in his old apartment garden (not that he'd ever admit to having one of those; ruin his image).

"N-N-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na. . ." Hinata's brain gave up processing the situation and switched to default mode; unconsciousness.

"Hinata!" Naruto shouted, quickly removing himself from his position and kneeling by her side. "Hinata wake up please!"

"Uh, Naruto-kun, maybe-" I cut off Lee with my hand.

"Sh, this is how Naruto and Hinata interact."

"Nane?"

"It gives them bonding time."

". . .What?" I groaned, turning to him and poking his shoulder with each word I spoke.

"I am trying to hook them up."

"Oh. . . will Ko agree?"

"I refuse to count on Ko's judgement when it concerns Hinata's love life. He doesn't have a clear head during those moments on that aspect."

"Smart. Anyway, I was heading out for a mission of my own so. . ." Kakashi gave us a two finger salute. "Bye."

After the poof of his exit cleared, I turned to Lee.

"Want to go train?"

"But shouldn't we help Narut-"

"He's fine," I waved away his concerns. "I've seen Hyuuga's fight, so if you want I'II can help you get closer to overtaking Neji. . ."

". . . THAN WHAT ARE WE STILL STANDING HERE FOR! YOSH!"

"Yosh!"

And with that, we left, leaving Naruto to shake awake his girlfriend; not that he knew they were together yet.

**MEANWHILE. . .**

"Nane. . . Where the hell is my wallet?"


	3. Why I'm Not Allowed to Train with Kabuto

**Hey there, I really want to wish Ayukazi with Kitty or more specifically Ayukazi a happy birthday! You're one of my fave reviewers because you've been with us since the start and because you always understand Risuna's bad situation (my friends think it's funny)(Kurai: Yes it's more than just funny. It's outright hilarious!). I wanna thank Lady Shadow 77 for doing the Orochi and Kabuto lines when I had CDD. (Kurai: And doing a lot more than just those lines, by the way. Risuna- Yes I know that but I wrote this before you did all that stuff and I don't feel like rewriting it. Kurai: Lazy today?) Anyway thanks for reviewing and again I wish you a really happy b-day. And now onto the story you requested**

**-Risuna**

**P.S. Akuma wasn't finished hers by the time this had to go up so it will not be posted now but when she finishes it it will be posted. Also we would like all our reviewers and readers to know that we are willing to write something for your b-day as well, you just have to tell us.**

**Why I'm Not Allowed to Train With Kabuto **

"You've caused me a lot of trouble. First Tayuya and now Kabuto? I do not care how good you are or how much they annoy you, they are still your superiors and you ARE to treat them with RESPECT!"

"Technically that was Tayuya's fault and he shouldn't have antagonized me. Plus they are in no way superior to me."

"Oh really? Can you, pretty girl, summon demons with a flute or make complicated genjutsus on sound? Or run all of my experiments efficiently or kill someone from the inside out? When you can do all of those things you will be superior. You may know how to target someone's weaknesses but unless you can match their strength you are in no way, equal or superior to them." Orochimaru's hand dragged itself along my face, knocking me into the wall behind me. "Remember that or you won't last long."

"I may not be stronger than them but if I can put Tayuya under a genjutsu without her knowing and almost accidentally kill Kabuto then I am damn sure that I'm as good as them."

"Perhaps; the faint hope that you will outgrow this insolence and be a useful tool is the only reason why you are alive and not one of my experiments. Go and find someone else who is willing to deal with your antics and train you." Deciding to not piss him off anymore I grumbled, "Fine," and left.

But not before he replied, "Good. Do not disappoint me again."

**Five minutes later**

"Hey Kidomaru will you-"

"No."

"You didn't even know what I was gonna ask!" He smirked.

"So you didn't get in trouble with Orochimaru-sama and are now looking for someone to train you?" I glared at him.

"Oh shut up. And why won't you train me?"

"Because I don't feel like being decapitated."

"I didn't decapitate him, I almost decapitated him."

"Not until you have a higher level of control." And then he walked away.

**Ten Minutes Later**

Hmmmm...who to ask now? My question was answered when I saw Kin walking down the hall.

"Hey Kin!" I ran over to her. "So here's the deal I need someone to train me and I thought that maybe you-"

"No."

"Awww come on, why not?"

"From what I heard it's hazardous to a person's health." I grimaced at her.

"It's not my fault they were annoying me."

"I don't care, besides you'd get hurt if you tried to fight me."

"Please I've never even seen you fight. In fact can you even fight?" That was obviously the wrong thing to say because I had to dodge several senbon she threw. "Oh come on it was a joke."

"Go away and bug someone else."

**Twenty Minutes Later**

So yeah everyone else in Oto is a total wimp. Hey, they all thought that me trapping Tayuya in a simple genjutsu was hilarious and I _almost_ decapitated Kabuto. Almost, for pete's sake, is not the same as actually killing him! Well my current options are begging Orochimaru to train me (No way in hell is that going to happen), or apologize to either or both Tayuya and Kabuto, (Maybe to Kabuto, Tayuya annoys me too much). And I should after I calm down before I nearly kill him . . . again.

That's how I found myself at Kimimaro's bedroom.

"So what did you do now?"

"Why is it I have to have done something to come see you?"

"So the rumours aren't true?"

"How did you even hear about that! But fine I almost decapitated Kabuto. It's not my fault he's an arrogant jerk." He sighed.

"You really do need better self-control."

"Hey he started it."

"What happened?"

I scowled as I saw the glow around my hands recede. Why wouldn't that stupid fish just live? Hell, for all I knew it wasn't even possible to revive a fish, and everyone decided to see if they could trick me.

"I hate to break it to you, Risuna, but if that's your best effort well. . . don't quit your taijutsu." I glared at him.

"Well what do you expect, it's not like I've been doing this my whole life!"

"And here I thought you couldn't remember what you did in the past."

"Shut up," I growled at him turning back to the fish and trying again. Ok, this is starting to get really annoying.

"Obviously Medical Ninjutsu isn't your talents so let's just stop wasting time here."

"No I will get this stupid fish to live! I don't care how long it takes."

He sighed, "Fine, but realize that Orochimaru-sama is already impatient with you to become useful, and this will make him even more impatient. His servants are never failures and frankly you're the exception to the rule." And there goes the little patience I still had.

"If I suck so much why don't you just leave then! You're getting distracting anyway!"

He smirked, "You only had to ask, my dear subordinate." And as he turned to walk away my self control snapped.

"I am not your subordinate!" The next thing I knew I had a kunai in my hand and I threw it. Unfortunately since my aim wasn't good instead of going by his head it went for his neck. Luckily Kabuto is more skilled than I am and he managed to move so it didn't kill him but it still grazed his neck.

"And that was supposed to accomplish what?" Uh-oh. That's the deadly calm tone I've learned can mean nothing good. "Orochimaru-sama will not be pleased to learn of this." And yeah, there's the thing I should be worrying about.

"You really do need to learn more control."

"Shut up."


	4. Shop Till You Drop

**Author's Note: Happy happy wriggling day (birthday) ****Ayukazi with Kitty! Also, don't worry, I didn't lose interest or plan on leaving anytime soon. Just some computer and personal troubles is all, so don't panic! ^w^'**  
**Also, sorry this is late, but I couldn't finish it until the last minute. Anyway, this was REALLY fun to write, so enjoy!**  
**Also, on an unrelated note, for story flow reasons, Akuma has already received her name in this ficlet. If you want to imagine that this actually happens in the main storyline, then go ahead, however the only thing in this ficlet that will make a return for the main storyline is the bet between Hidan and Akuma, sooo yup.**  
**Shop Till You Drop**  
I snuck down the hallway, quickly looking behind me to make sure that Kakuzu wasn't planning on returning to his room for anything. Not seeing any sign of him, I grinned and quietly slipped into his room.  
I looked at the mountains of yet-to-be-counted (or at least I assumed so at the time) money on his desk and the several bags of money sitting in groups beside it. I whistled in amazement and walked lightly over to the desk, quickly grabbing about three handfuls of money and stuffing them into my pouch. As soon as that last handful was stashed away, I darted back out of Kakuzu's room and into my room.

Now, you're probably wondering why on Earth I'd even THINK of taking any of Kakuzu's money. And I have a perfectly logical reason for it. I even have a reason for actually going through with the idea. You're probably thinking, 'Holy shit she's just signed her death warrant!' or 'She's crazy!'. However, neither of those statements are true.  
In fact, the reasons behind me taking money from Kakuzu are perfectly sane and common. One, I needed money to pay Hidan back for a bet. Don't ask, you won't like it. In fact you might not be able to stomach what the bet was even for. Come to think of it, just forget I even said anything regarding details about said bet. Two, I felt a burning need to go on a shopping binge. Just because I'm a tomboy doesn't mean I'm not prone to shopping binges, especially when the shopping binges are for weapons, poisons, and all that cool jazz.  
Anyway, back to the story, alright?

Sitting on my bed, I sighed and pushed my bangs back away from my face. My heart was pounding slightly from the immediate danger of what I had just done. However, it didn't last long, and soon I was walking down the hallway towards the exit of the base. Once I had gone out the door, I started to quickly make my way to the nearest village that had a reliable weapons shop. Grinning, I tried deciding what I'd buy first.

_*MEANWHILE*_

Kakuzu stretched his shoulders as he made his way back to his room, making several popping and crackling noises. They had been sore since the last mission he and Hidan had been sent on. Of course, it was Hidan's fault his shoulders were sore in the first place. He ALWAYS had to rush into things, never thought to think his plans through, and as always ended up making a fool of himself in some way or other.  
Grumbling to himself, he went into his room and closed the door tightly behind him. Kakuzu sighed and sat down at his desk. Tilting his head back to look at the ceiling, he decided that he'd close his eyes for a few minutes before counting his money. He glanced at his clock before losing his eyes, 3:46. He'd only be resting his eyes, in fact he wasn't even tired. After what seemed like only a minute or so, Kakuzu opened his eyes again and sat up in the chair. He stretched his shoulders again, causing more popping and crackling sounds, and looked at the clock. 4:51. "Damnit." he mumbled to himself.

He hadn't planned on falling asleep at all, but there was nothing he could do about it now. Besides, it wasn't the end of the world just because he HAD fallen asleep. True, he could have spent those past 55 minutes counting money, but he wasn't going to throw a tantrum about it. Not like Hidan would have if he had wasted time for his hobbies.

Kakuzu moved his chair slightly closer to the desk and took out a thick black notebook and pen from the drawer. The notebook was about halfway full of numbers and percentage rates, both positive and negative. Each page also had several different 'sections' where the numbers were separated, each section had a date on it. He skimmed over some of the most recent entries before flipping to the newest page and writing the date on it.

For the next hour and a half, Kakuzu counted all the money around and on the desk, all the while scribbling down numbers and percentages into the notebook. He already knew exactly how much money there was supposed to be, because no one had been given a mission that involved money that day. Still, he counted it anyway to make sure that none was missing. If there was, he'd find out who took it and there WOULD be hell to pay.

At first, it didn't seem as though anyone had stolen any of the money, but as he neared the end of the money pile, it was obvious. In comparison to the entire amount, the missing money seemed like pocket change, but it was merely the fact that someone would even dare to steal money from him that angered Kakuzu. Slamming the notebook shut, he stood up and made his way to the common room, slamming his door on the way out.

When he got to the common room, he stood in the doorway and looked around. About half of the group was there: Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Hidan. His hands were balled into tight fists and he folded his arms.

"Who took it?" he asked in a low voice. They all looked at him, confusion written all over their faces.

"Took what?" Kisame responded, raising an eyebrow.

"There's money missing, and I know someone from the group took it. So I'll only ask one more time, who took it?"

There was a short silence and they all looked at each other, even more confused. Hidan however, had looked like he had just seen a pig sprout wings and fly. He put a hand on his forehead and looked at the floor, suddenly bursting out into laughter. Kakuzu growled slightly, annoyed, and glared at the insane Jashinist.

"May I ask what's so funny about all of this?" Hidan could barely find time between his fits of laughter to breathe, but he somehow managed to speak, more to himself than to Kakuzu.

"Holy shit she actually fucking did it!" he said to himself before laughing even harder, causing himself to double over. Kakuzu was now completely void of any patience, and he walked over and grabbed Hidan roughly by the collar of his cloak.

"WHO did WHAT?" he growled through his teeth, glaring daggers at Hidan. Hidan was still laughing, but forced himself to stop long enough to tell him.

"Akuma, she told me that she'd pay me back for our bet no matter what, even if she had to steal from you! I thought she was just fucking joking but- holy shit I didn't think she'd actually fucking do it!" he burst back into laughter and Kakuzu dropped him.

"Where is she?" again, no one had an answer for him.

"No one has seen her since this morning." Sasori said, shrugging.

"I think she went out somewhere actually, I saw her leave but I don't think she was assigned a mission." Itachi chimed in, still reading the book he had.

Kakuzu growled and made his way to the exit. He was about to reach for the doorknob, but it seemed as though someone had already started to open it from the other side. He instinctively took a step back to avoid getting hit by the door.

_*BACK TO AKUMA'S POV*_

As soon as I had turned the doorknob, I felt a sudden flash of intense danger. However, I didn't think much of it and opened the door anyway. Huge mistake on my part. Once the door was open completely, my breath caught in my throat and I swear my heart had stopped for several moments.

Standing not even 2 feet away from me was a very, VERY, angry looking Kakuzu. And he had the intent of murder on his mind, I could tell just from the look he was giving me.

Seconds passed that seemed like hours, and I could see Kakuzu tensing up to grab me. I immediately took my errands bag and threw it at his face before running off to the right side of the building. I didn't dare look back, but I could tell that he was chasing me. Sometimes I wonder why I get myself into situations like this, and then I tell myself that if there wasn't anything exciting to happen then nothing would happen at all. As I turned another corner to the backside of the building, I saw a black tendril lash out where my head had been only a split second before. Now it was getting serious.

It then occurred to me that I may just die tonight, possibly in the next minute or 2. Thinking quickly, I realized that I was nearing the window to the common room, and if I went through it I would have a straight shot to the hallway, and then all I'd have to do was turn a corner and I'd be in the safety of my room. However, I was pretty sure that just because I'd be in my room didn't mean that he'd stop chasing me, but it was worth a shot.

Raising my right arm to shield my face, I used to the to grab the windowsill and pole vault my way through the common room window. There was a loud crash of shattering glass, and I found myself on my hands and knees, glass sticking into my bare hands and digging through my pants to get at my knees.

I heard someone nearby yell something, but I was too disoriented to make it out. The only thought going through my head was to get up and run. So I did.

I slipped slightly on the blood I left on the floor, but I ran out of the common room and into the hallway. At that point my actions were based more on pure instinct and survival than the original plan I had thought out while running outside. Behind me, I heard the exit door slam open (I could have sworn I heard it splinter slightly) and Kakuzu shouting after me. I turned the corner in the hallway, almost falling over in the process and had to slam my hands against the wall to prevent it (now remember, I still had glass in my hands so imagine how much THAT must have hurt). Now in full blown panic, I had unintentionally ran right past my room. Within seconds I had realized my mistake and I felt my heart leap up to my throat. In a frenzy, I took the only chance I had left, Deidara's room. I flung open his door and slammed it shut behind me.

Before I had burst in, Deidara had been sitting in a chair in the corner and reading a book about explosions or something like that. However, he had almost fallen out of his chair in surprise.

"Akuma what the hell are you-" he stood up to keep me from rampaging around his room, because that's apparently what he thought was going to happen, but instead almost fell backwards and had the air knocked out of him when I clung to him for protection. He tried to pry me off and ask what I had gotten into now, but was interrupted by his door getting kicked down.

Kakuzu stormed in and I shrieked, hiding behind Deidara. At this point, Deidara was dangerously close to just setting off a bomb to get everyone to cut it out. When Kakuzu made a move to grab me, Deidara held one of his hands out to stop him.

"Hey hey! Can someone PLEASE tell me what's going on, hm?"

"This little wretch stole my money, so I'm simply going to make her pay."

"You didn't have to kick my door down, yeah! And do you HONESTLY think killing Akuma will do any good?"

"Actually, yes, now get out of my way!"

"Get out of here, hm! I'll handle it, and if you try anything I'll blow this whole room up!"

Kakuzu seemed to have heeded Deidara's warning, because after a few moments of tense silence, he left the room. With one problem gone, another showed up.

Deidara turned to look at me, and I could tell he was almost as furious as Kakuzu had been. I took a deep breath and tried to stop myself from shaking, and it was then that the full effect of getting glass jammed into my hands and knees surfaced.

"I'll only give you ONE chance to explain, so you better damn well tell me WHY he just burst down my door. I know that it has something to do with you taking his money, but WHY would you even take his money, hm?"

"Alright, look, the only thing you need to know is that it had to do with a debt and a powerful urge for shopping." I avoided eye contact with him, instead focusing on getting as much glass out of my hands as I could, however it wasn't easy considering that when I tried to pull a piece out of one hand the other got a huge wave of pain through it.

"The debt I understand, but an 'urge for shopping'? Are you kidding me, yeah?"

"No, as much as I wish I was I'm not."

"What were you thinking? You're seriously going to get yourself KILLED if you keep pulling stunts like that, yeah! This isn't just some kids club, it's an organization made up of trained killers, hm!"

"Why do you even care? I thought you hated my guts, or was that all just a big act to look big and tough?"

I hadn't really meant for it to sound as harsh as it did, but my short temper mixed with pain and fear made it sound pretty mean, and for some reason I felt an unfamiliar twinge of guilt about it. Pulling another piece of glass out of my hand, I walked past Deidara before he could respond and went back down the hallway to my room.

Once inside I made sure my door was locked and I sat down on the edge of my bed, trying to get the rest of the glass out of my hands and knees. Right then I knew 5 things for sure.

1: I would never be completely safe around Kakuzu again.

2: If Deidara hadn't hated me before, he did now.

3: I STILL wouldn't be able to pay Hidan back for the bet.

4: I now owed money for breaking the window in the common room.

5: Never again would I even think of going shopping. For anything.


End file.
